Through Glass
by BlazeorFade
Summary: Sam and Dean deal wih being apart while he is at Stanford. Angst and Slash.


Title: Through Glass 

Author: BlazeorFade

Rating: T

Summary: Sam and Dean deal with the pain of being separated when he goes Stanford. Song fic with Through Glass by Stone Sour.

Warnings: Angst and Implied underage Sam/Dean

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural the boys or the Metallicar.

Dean parked the car as far from the apartment as he could get and still Sam without Sam spotting him. His heart thundered in his chest at the thought of seeing his brother again even if he couldn't speak to him. He waited with his hands clenched tight on the steering wheel, Sammy should arrive any minute. His schedule had said he had a class at 11:45 and it was already 11:20.

As the minutes ticked by he thought about leaving, trying again tomorrow and the day after and the day after, as many times as he had to, to see Sam and see that he was okay and happy here.

Then the front door to his building and Sam walked out. He looked flushed, Dean could see him smile behind him towards the entrance and say something to someone inside, beckoning for whoever it was to hurry out. A beautiful blonde girl ran out to him and his little brother threw his arm around her laughing at something she said.

Once upon a time only Dean could make him laugh like that, he thought bitterly biting at the inside of his mouth, to keep from yelling.

_I'm looking at you through the Glass _

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_Oh God it feels like forever _

_But Noone ever tells you_

_That forever feels like _

_I'm sitting all alone inside your head_

He followed behind a few minutes later, he told himself to make sure the pair, he hated her already, got to class safely from their apartment.

'Why Sam?' Dean screamed mentally though outwardly he was the definition of calm. It was rocky between him and their dad but did he have to leave Dean too. He'd thought they were happy together.

They had steal moments together, sneak around and Sam always had to make sure to go back to his own bed in the morning before John rose at the crack of fucking down to wake them, but it was worth the sacrifice and the sneaking around. Or Dean thought it had been.

How do you feel that is the question 

_But I forget you don't expect and easy answer_

_When something like a soul becomes initialized _

_And folded up like paper dolls and little notes_

_You expect to bitter folks_

He can't wipe away the memory of how happy Sammy looked draping his arm around that girl or talking with his friends after class. Dean followed him all day like a shadow. It wasn't easy to keep the Impala hidden from view but he managed and hated himself for starting this at all. He watched them all the way back to the apartment, takeout Chinese in hand then he drove to the bar closest to his fleabag motel and tried to drink away the past twelve hours.

But he couldn't make himself forget and part him got a perverse pleasure from the pain of seeing his brother happy with his new life. He should have been glad Sam was safe and happy with his new life, his friends and his girlfriend. If they were a normal family he might've been but the first kiss they shared when Sam was sixteen and so unbelievably beautiful blew away any illusions at normal either still held on to.

_And while your outside looking in _

_Describing what you see_

_Remember what your staring at is me_

_Cause I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever _

_But noone ever tells you _

_That forever feels like home_

_Sitting all alone inside your head_

Sam couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. It was there all day, clawing at him telling him to turn around and look but whenever he did he saw nothing. From the moment he left that afternoon, rushing with Jessica because they were going to be late for class. He watched discreetly all day out of the corner of his eye waiting to catch whatever or whoever it was. He told himself a few times it felt like, no he hadn't been to visit Sam once since he left home. And if he thought saw a '67 Chevy out of the corner of his eye he'd rationalize it that Dean w as not the only person in the world with a thing for classics.

He looked out the window now wondering why he felt so empty that that watched feeling was gone.

"Sam are you alright?" Jess asked coming up beside him.

"I'm fine." He said putting on his best fake smile, pulling her into his arms, telling himself that this is what he wanted.

"Dinners getting cold." Jess told him kissing his chin before pulling away seeing that nothing was wrong. She wasn't looking close enough or she might've caught the broken man looking out the window one last time in hopes he'd see his brother's car parked on the street below.

How much is real, so much to question 

_And never dare makeup the mannequins_

_Contaminating everything _

_When thought came from the heart_

_It never did right from the start_

_Just listen to the noises_

_(No more sad voices)_

_Before you tell yourself its just a different scene_

_Remembering is just different form what you've seen_

Fire, pain and an aching hopelessness tore Sam from sleep with a gasp. He couldn't move for a second paralyzed with fear. He reached to his left instinctively, when he could bring himself to and got a handful side table. Dean used to sleep on the left side of the bed with his chest pressed into Sam's back, arms wrapped around him waiting to protect Sam at the first sign of trouble even the kind that came in the form of nightmare. Jess liked the right side of the bed so he had to relearn how to sleep with her. He always had his back to her as he slept.

He took a few shaky breaths and swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. Jessica didn't move, he'd never met anyone who was a deep sleeper before he met her, it took a while to get used too. John drilled light sleeping and fast reflexes into them all their lives. For the Winchester's it was a matter of survival.

Sam bit into the heel of his hand to keep from crying out in frustration. He rocked back and forth trying to clear the images from his mind. Shaking, nauseous and alone Sam got up from the bed and went back to the living room to the window.

'Please.' He silently begged. 'Please be there.' He closed his eyes and looked out the window. When he saw nothing but a street filled cars that belonged to everyone but Dean he broke down in tears.

_I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever_

_But noone ever tells you that forever feels like _

_Home sitting all alone inside your head_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That shine for you_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That lie to you_

He shouldn't be feeling like this. He should be fine. Happy, he had a beautiful girlfriend who he loved, good friends, he was going to school. He shouldn't want to call Dean and beg for him to come and make the bad thins go away, make love to him until the nightmares faded to a distant memory. He shouldn't want that but he did.

_Cause __I'm looking at you through the Glass _

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_Oh God it feels like forever _

But Noone ever tells you 

_That forever feels like _

_I'm sitting all alone inside your head_

_I'm looking at you through the glass_

_Don't know how much time has passed_

_All I know is that it feels like forever_

_But noone ever tells you that forever feels like _

_Home sitting all alone inside your head_

Dean sped away from Sam and Stanford as fast as he could wanting to put as many miles between him and the smiling image of his brother and his new life behind him. He didn't care that he was still half drunk, sticking aorund was not an option. Besides he'd just gotten a call form dad, he had a solo gig for him, the ghost of a woman that was who the hell cares as long as it got him the hell away from Sam.

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That shine for you_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That lie to you_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That shine for you_

_And it's the stars_

_The stars, That lie to you_

_The Stars_

_The Stars that lie_

The End 


End file.
